tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.comments2023-07-02T03:31:21.891-04:00Redstocking GrandmaMary Jo Kochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16524455433248282100noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-60427797497781300382015-10-22T12:46:33.518-04:002015-10-22T12:46:33.518-04:00I'm glad that our conversation this morning pr...I'm glad that our conversation this morning proved to be as productive as it was. <br /><br />In response to your blog post, I think that nowadays there are so many negative connotations that come along with calling yourself a feminist for several reasons. When you introduce yourself as a feminist and the other person is up to date and knows what the modern strain of feminism is all about. They will automatically assume that you support the feminist side of issues such as gamergate. That you think that every possible popularity contest should be shut down. The most ironic thing about feminists nowadays is their inane double standards. This is a movement that should empower women, yet many feminists nowadays think that the idea of a woman showing off her 'goodies' is completely disgusting. I would go as far to say that there are feminists out there that would prefer if every woman in America walked around wearing burkas. Meanwhile they condemn countries in the east for doing this calling them disgustingly misogynistic. They take problems that all of humankind have to deal with such as rape and the objectification and sexualization of people and say that it's a woman problem. Meanwhile the only RATIONAL way to look at these things is that whenever these things are done it's a blow to ALL of humankind. Not just womankind! The whole human race is BLEEDING when someone is raped, regardless of gender. That's why the only rational way of thinking is to be a humanist.<br /><br />As for what you've said about Hillary Clinton. You even told me that there are many things wrong with her as a presidential candidate. Of COURSE it would be an incredible step forward to have a woman in office. And if Hillary were to win young women would definitely be more empowered as individuals. But that's not how history will see it. If the first female president in America's history does poorly how do you think that will effect women of the future. When we are blessed with our first female president, she needs to do a good job in office in order for the future of womankind to be a positive one. The best possible thing for future generations of women would be for a female presidential candidate to work her way into office because she deserved it. <br /><br />Just like how affirmative action is bad minorities because we are not supporting them to be innovative and productive. In the same way a woman should only make it into office based on her credentials. Unless you are absolutely POSITIVE that Hillary is the BEST presidential candidate out there right now. Voting for her would go against your good intentions for the women of America. <br /><br />And I mean she clearly isn't. She has constantly changed her political views based on what is currently the popular opinion. You can't say that she is just "willing to adapt." It's too much of a coincidence that she has 'adapted' to every single opinion that was popular for its time. Someone who has such a weak moral compass in my opinion is very unlikely to follow through with their promises. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15880338953737310287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-7085403775761533552009-09-11T13:55:16.230-04:002009-09-11T13:55:16.230-04:00My husband, that lovely, lovely man, has read the ...My husband, that lovely, lovely man, has read the Ramona books to each of our kids - the whole series! - each time starting with Beezus and Ramona and working his way through.<br>He is a good father.<br><br>I love, love, love books too. I read a book a day - and oh how I love mysteries.Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-10837233209404388702009-04-03T14:08:00.000-04:002009-04-03T14:08:00.000-04:00I just found your wonderful blog and I would love ...I just found your wonderful blog and I would love to get in touch with you! ..I am a cultural historian and writer working on a book about feminism, motherhood, and non sexist childrearing. Can you send me your email address? Or email me at rotscant@yahoo.com? <br>Thanks! Lori R.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-61301609208140114602009-03-12T12:20:00.000-04:002009-03-12T12:20:00.000-04:00One of my brother's worked in daycares for YEA...One of my brother's worked in daycares for YEARS, and he is wonderful with small children. And I well remember how hurt he was by the automatic distrust of parents for him, just because he was a guy.<br><br>But I also remember that a friend's six year old daughter was molested by her male brother. And so no, I would not hire a male babysitter.Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-36587088790614368972009-01-25T18:11:00.000-05:002009-01-25T18:11:00.000-05:00This comment has been hidden from the blog.Heather, Queen of Shake Shakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04455637064686856773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-41791431401243084412008-01-12T21:48:00.000-05:002008-01-12T21:48:00.000-05:00Many people complain to me that this a negative bi...Many people complain to me that this a negative bitter anti marriage site, and it may appear that way in certain dialogs. So I will discuss where I stand on this issue.<br><br>I am completely for the institution of matrimony, 100% and then some. I think there are aspects of it that should change, but the overall premise of commitment is important.<br><br>The issue of contention I have is more of a New England regional problem then a national one in my opinion. Keeping males dis empowered is about equal to the burka in my opinion, and that tradition needs to go the way of the arranged marriage. Throwing restraining orders around like candy is nothing more then enslavement.<br><br>Should ownership be prerequisite for matrimony? No, but it sure helps.<br><br>The act of showing commitment to another is good for the overall community if it is recognized and respected. I recently went to wedding for a woman who is essentially my sister, It was her first time at 40. She married a man 10 years younger then her, I was happy for her.<br><br>My own wedding was over a decade ago, but I still remember it fondly. The act of giving a diamond is one great moment, no ifs ands or buts.<br><br>I hope this clarifies any misunderstandings.Yankee Tiradehttp://yankeetirade.wordpress.com/2007/01/06/marriage-is-not-done/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-35208825315234290942008-01-12T08:58:00.000-05:002008-01-12T08:58:00.000-05:00There's a lot to respond to here.I fear we'...There's a lot to respond to here.<br><br>I fear we've fallen into the old trap of making "women's issues" about upper-middle-class women. We give lip service to poor and working-class women, but then we go on about the choice to work, paid maternity leave, etc. The fact is, you only need a breast-feeding room if you are in the same country as your child. When you have left your child to come care for someone elses', whether she has a good place to pump must seem absurd.<br><br>That said, I think some of these are easy issues to solve if people just wanted to. Workplaces could be mandated to have a small, clean space for women to pump, and it would be easy.<br><br>Things like affordable, good child care? Much harder, but not as hard as the government would like us to imagine. I for one would gladly pay more taxes to create public, good day care centers.<br><br>The problem is, as you say, that this is seen as a women's issue. Well, let me tell you, men need their children looked after, too. Or, I guess you already told us :)<br><br>This is a great post. I always save your posts till I have the time to devote to reading and commenting properly.<br><br>(Oh, and thanks for heading over to Chris's blog on my suggestion. I knew you would have something to add.)<br><br>Emilywheelsonthebushttp://wheelsonthebus.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-84028161100039540372008-01-11T16:11:00.000-05:002008-01-11T16:11:00.000-05:00I'm afraid I have to agree with Julie. The U....I'm afraid I have to agree with Julie. The U.S. government *could* make it easier to be good caretakers, but it doesn't. In the past, conservatives have been too successful at making care taking solely a "personal responsibility." Of course that's ridiculous. Care taking has value. And not just an emotional or societal value, but a real economic value. And it's also a societal responsibility. But things will never change until corporate America and the U.S. government understand that.<br><br>I keep hoping that as attitudes change, public policy will change but I'm afraid it's going to have to be the other way around. I don't think corporate America will change until the government orders it to do so. Most companies certainly aren't listening to their workers. Hopefully, once policies change people will come to accept the new status quo.<br><br>Great post!Lawyer Mamanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-32060520688312089732008-01-11T15:35:00.000-05:002008-01-11T15:35:00.000-05:00How can men tolerate such assertions? Exactly. Bu...<i>How can men tolerate such assertions? </i><br><br>Exactly. But when they do object to statements like this, they blame feminists. It's infuriating.<br><br>You'll be happy to hear a story from my life, though: the other day, PK and I took his mouse to the vet. There was an older man there, a big beefy ex-marine (according to his leather jacket and baseball hat) with his "unneutered" Dachsund puppy, as he made a point of telling us. He had a very short buzz cut. He said something to PK about the puppy, clearly referring to PK, who has waist-length hair, as a girl. PK said "I'm a boy," but the man misheard him, thinking he was (surely!) referring to the puppy. A minute or two later he asked me, "how old is your daughter?" "He's my son, actually--he's seven." I said. "That's a boy!?" the man asked. <br><br>But what he said afterwards was really interesting. "You need a haircut, son!" he said. "You'll put barbers out of business!" Then he told us that he used to be a barber, and that his daughter owned her own salon now up in the bay area. He *didn't* focus at all on trying to shame PK, though he was obviously startled, and when I sort of smiled and said, "well, he likes his hair long," and we weren't put off by his mistake ("I'm not the only one that makes that mistake, am I?" "Oh no, people do it all the time, of course."--PK, thank goodness, isn't bothered by it except that he just gets a little tired of it), which seemed to help.<br><br>In the end, just before we took the mouse back to see the vet, he said to PK, "well, you *do* have beautiful hair."<br><br>Some things might be getting a little better, slowly.bitchphdnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-33689709274543506462008-01-11T13:14:00.000-05:002008-01-11T13:14:00.000-05:00I no longer believe this, true, "Every indust...I no longer believe this, true, "Every industrial Western nation has more family centered government policies than we do. American families no longer believe that government could make it more possible to be good parents, good caregivers of the elderly, and good workers."<br><br>More than anything? it is because my government has told me REPEATEDLY that they CANNOT. And then proved it by making it worse.<br><br>As with any head of the body, they set the tone. Corporations have taken their cue from the Head of State and now believe their wishes supercede all others and the almighty dollar is most important.<br><br>So women leave the workplace in droves, men work too many hours and get not enough family time, debt is hitting astronomical portions, and it's all on our heads because it is our choices.<br><br>As to the elimination of men in caretaker roles, it not only harms the male-child relationship...it cements the disparity between men and women, women who are the caretakers.<br><br>Not good.<br><br>And yet, I see a power in my girls.<br><br>So although the cultural message and delivery is bad, somehow, there is overall an individual message making it through to PLENTY of girls.<br><br>Perhaps their generation...<br><br>Excellent post.Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-86889469584214279602007-11-12T13:44:00.000-05:002007-11-12T13:44:00.000-05:00I am sure if it is had happened to any visitor, th...I am sure if it is had happened to any visitor, they would never have used it either.Grandma Mary Joanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16524455433248282100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-28076769441187437302007-11-12T12:16:00.000-05:002007-11-12T12:16:00.000-05:00You hit your brothers during confession? Come on ...You hit your brothers during confession? Come on - couldn't you at least have waited until you got home?<br><br>(Ignore me. I'm silly.)Beahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15957626443087438904noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-67809154418619076652007-11-12T12:09:00.000-05:002007-11-12T12:09:00.000-05:00Heh. My son Jack avoided our downstairs toilet fo...Heh. My son Jack avoided our downstairs toilet for almost a year because of the violent way it overflowed one day...<br><br>It was like a geyser. Good thing it had been recently flushed. ;)slouching momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05602868040771218507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-9960327422891614592007-10-08T11:06:00.000-04:002007-10-08T11:06:00.000-04:00Beck,My placid children were no less challenging. ...Beck,<br><br>My placid children were no less challenging. For years I considered Elizabeth, my second daughter, much easier, But she had carefully observed Vanessa and realized charm works much better than confrontation. When asking for something, she would preface it with compliments and appreciation. I would be eager to do what she asked.<br><br>Elizabeth was almost grown before I realized that she had gotten her way much more than Vanessa had. She is the ultimate iron fist in a velvet glove. I was in awe how she handled doctors and nurses whenever my mom was hospitalized. Both Andy and I have named Elizabeth to be our health proxy.<br><br>Once, when her dad and I were squabbling, Elizabeth suggested, "Mom, you should wear more perfume."<br><br>I love your blog title. I must have read aloud the Frog and Toad books a thousand times. I have already started reading them to Nate.Mary Joanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18288602822913669121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-41819484580671748652007-10-08T09:02:00.000-04:002007-10-08T09:02:00.000-04:00My Vanessa stories have always been a great comfor...My Vanessa stories have always been a great comfort to other mothers of challenging daughters. At 2 she was the terror of the Upper West Side and Chelsea because she pulled hair and dumped sand over her playmates' head. Her main victim is her best friend; in fact Erin lives in the next building. Because Vanessa was such a sparkplug, no kid avoided her. The hairpulling and sand dumping was often an experiment in determining the limits of her victims' mothers. Sporadically, I contemplated paying another kid to retaliate. When Vanessa was a teenager, Erin's mother confessed she expected Vanessa to be in jail at age 16.Mary Joanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18288602822913669121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-50185279636468369502007-10-08T07:59:00.000-04:002007-10-08T07:59:00.000-04:00I feel like forwarding this post to every mother I...I feel like forwarding this post to every mother I know who is going through a rough time with their teenaged daughter. She sounds like a great person.Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-61648514668551273422013-03-17T03:30:42.800-04:002013-03-17T03:30:42.800-04:00Found your blog by a comment you left on "the...Found your blog by a comment you left on "the broad side".. So glad I stumbled here! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I love your comment on communal child raising.Shana Xavierhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10453255403746451173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-80130969598537345832012-06-24T11:00:30.951-04:002012-06-24T11:00:30.951-04:00Gr3tch3n, once upon a time in the early 70s, a muc...Gr3tch3n, once upon a time in the early 70s, a much shorter work week seemed possible. Instead the work week has gotten much longer. I don't see how excellent day care can be affordable if teachers are paid what they are worth. Free public education probably should start at 3. In an ideal world, children under 3 would be cared for by people who will love them all their lives--parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, close friends.Redstocking Grandmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16910871938974410321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-27739911812003781232012-06-24T09:41:46.574-04:002012-06-24T09:41:46.574-04:00I love all the observations you make here. As a pa...I love all the observations you make here. As a part-time consultant at home with my preschooler, I feel I "have it all" for now...but life is long and things change. The whole paid-work-as-hold-grail thing somehow took over major swaths of feminism and it's very offputting for me and some of my friends, but it's great to read voices that talk BEYOND that, as I think both moms and dads and all people are getting worn down from overwork in America.Gr3tch3nhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08790687404912264066noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-56074690476867164632008-01-27T21:14:00.000-05:002008-01-27T21:14:00.000-05:00Mary Joan, may I recommend "The Fountain of A...Mary Joan, may I recommend "The Fountain of Age" by Friedan. I think (I might be wrong) it was her last book. It reflected changes in the movements, or at least as she percieved it, and also changes in our lives as we mature. But more than that it addressed the whole area of the 'oppressed aged'-- people who have had to roll over by virtue of their having diminished health and supports as they grow older, and a youth-based elite. I think that middle-class white women have a better go of aging, but it is definitely difficult for women of color who never get to the place of financial security and who might be hundreds/nay, thousands of miles from any family supports, etc. Friedan, as she aged, was struck by the similarity between the Women's Movement of the 60s and the needs of the Aging in the 80s/90s... similar issues.<br>~CynthiaCynthiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00277640438310597098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-25473661043179791422008-01-27T20:33:00.000-05:002008-01-27T20:33:00.000-05:00wow-- don't think I've seen this done befo...wow-- don't think I've seen this done before in a blog and it was a lovely piece. Thanks.<br>~CynthiaCynthiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00277640438310597098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-28775733826990133532007-12-06T08:57:00.000-05:002007-12-06T08:57:00.000-05:00I see the value of sharing a room (which I myself ...I see the value of sharing a room (which I myself never had to do until college) so clearly with my boys, who are 2 1/2 and 6. I think it requires families to really work out expectations of tolerance -- which otherwise might remain more abstract. And then there's the closeness, which develops in many other ways too, of course, but physical proximity has a power all its own. When the little one first moved out of our room and into his brother's, their futons were positioned under separate windows. But the second night, my then-4 year old insisted that his bed be moved right next to his brother's, and since then they have slept most nights in a little pile, each more comfortable entangled in the other's limbs than alone.kitnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-67802341649372453372007-12-04T22:27:00.000-05:002007-12-04T22:27:00.000-05:00Janet, I do think sharing a room builds character ...Janet, I do think sharing a room builds character and is excellent preparation for marriage. I have noticed that my daughters seem to share rooms with their husbands more harmoniously than they did with their sisters.Grandma Mary Joanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16524455433248282100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-64053639836139188462007-12-03T19:00:00.000-05:002007-12-03T19:00:00.000-05:00I think sharing a room builds character. I shared ...I think sharing a room builds character. I shared with my sister for years and, yes, we fought, but it was comforting to hear someone breathing in the bed beside me if I woke up scared in the middle of the night.Janethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00567374243896229606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8538280487490391860.post-82333647529537954172007-12-02T14:39:00.000-05:002007-12-02T14:39:00.000-05:00odd facts,Diving the room wasn't the only use ...odd facts,<br><br>Diving the room wasn't the only use for duct tape. When my oldest was obsessed with gymnastics, she used duct tape on our living room rug to create an imaginary balance beam.<br><br>slouching mom,<br><br>I admit when my youngest brother was born when I was 13, I had mixed feelings about sharing my room with a baby.<br><br>Fortunately, all my daughters shared an amazing tolerance for mess, so there weren't too many conflicts about housekeeping standards. Slobs vs. neatniks seems the most intractable roommate conflict Totally different sleeping schedules are another flashpoint. During my first year at college, I went to bed around 2 am, which was when my roommate was getting up, having gone to bed at 8 pm.Grandma Mary Joanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16524455433248282100noreply@blogger.com